I was at a small gathering this past weekend for women, moms in particular that are business owners in the area in which I live. It was a beautiful day as we sat poolside and grew our relationships with one another, sharing this and that and about our experiences as parents, MOMS to be exact.
All of us there had all different ages of kids in the hopper and we all shared trials and tribulations of the child rearing phase of our lives. And as much as we “do” the parenting thing, every day 24/7, it still amazes me how as much as we know, we still don’t know! We were women with vast backgrounds in education, culture, business and all…but still the same. MOMS! When it comes to that subject we all seem to experience something new EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.
One Mom had the newest of these kidlets at 9 weeks and of course, I was the grandma of the bunch with a daughter who is 31 (soon to be 32). What I loved is we weren’t trying to one up each other about business, we were actually cultivating Mom experiences and stories. And all at the right time.
One of the Mom’s had just received a phone call from her 11 year old daughter. This Mom stepped away to chat with her little darling on the phone and the rest of us continued to converse. As she came back to sit down, you could tell she was a bit frustrated with the call (with an 11 year old???!!!! NEVER……..). She then recanted the conversation for us with a plea at the end as to what she should say to her daughter. Her daughter’s request was to go babysit with the friend that she was currently visiting, come back several hours later and spend the night at her friends house. Her Mom was at a loss for what to say.
The Mom didn’t want to sound too much of a “downer” (we have all been there! We don’t like to sound like to “enforcer”, even though we are…….) but was searching for something to nip the ” babysitting/sleepover” scenario in the bud. She had expressed concern of the lack of familiarity of the family said daughter was visiting and wasn’t feeling comfortable with that. We all offered suggestions and then, me having gone through the parenting ritual of the “but MOM” dance I had a thought I shared.
The thought was this: she needed to put a new spin on this situation and still be the person in charge without apologizing all over herself. I proposed that she tell her daughter that babysitting was a JOB for her friend. And, as a job, she did not need to join her. If it were any other job, she wouldn’t be able to, so why now. AND, when SHE gets a job like this it will be the same for her. As for the overnight stay, the Mom offered her digs! Perfect!
The concerned Mom thanked us so much for the advice, and me for thinking outside of the box (of explanations). She was so grateful to be in presence of great moms at the time she needed support on the issue. Which leads me to another point.
So many circumstances are brought to our doorsteps as parents and quite frankly we often times throw things out there without really having to chance to think through the pros and cons. No sounding board, no counsel from wise minds and souls. Just goin’ with the gut! But the good news is…..sometimes we have to “re-position” our position as a parent to make sense to our children. We certainly won’t ALWAYS make sense to them, but if we can relate what the underlying meaning is without overtly calling out the nuts and bolts (and sometimes they don’t need to know) re-positioning is good.
The “re-positioning” of this Mom ended so she didn’t have to be Cruella, and “ick” all over her daughter’s “wow” and offered a logical explanation. The simple fact that Mom didn’t feel comfortable and that was good enough. The new spin put on it in a nice neat box for the daughter so she could offer it up and still be “cool”. A respectful thing when you are 11!
“Re-positioning” is not a new thing for parenting, just a real thing that we find ourselves doing all day long…everyday…as a parent. It’s the new yoga move in parenting!